Wednesday, May 7, 2014

A Closer Look... at Life

I haven't shared much that's been going on with the move in detail, because, number one, it has been such a major ordeal, and number two, I'm trying let go of the old house and some of my ways of thinking. It goes way beyond "downsizing", but I haven't been able to share all that with you until now. My health is what has precipitated this move, (most of you know that I have had heart issues stemming from an hereditary problem) as the house and property are more than my hubby and I want to deal with now. We need a fresh direction in life.

This move has been one of the toughest things I've had to do in years. I think it's because I have still been having problems with my heart which I haven't discussed much since last Fall, (I'll fill you in later in the post) and because of that, I can't do what I want to do. So much frustration when you can't do the things you used to do, and now have to have someone else do them for you.

God has been at work through all this, giving me the ability to get the house packed and arranging for things to be sold. I knew I couldn't do it on my own, so He has sent people my way to make it easier. This last week, on short notice, He sent my sister and her hubby, my mom, and then a dear friend that is in the junk biz to organize the garage sale, and then haul off all the leftovers. My husband wanted me to forego a sale and just donate it all, but it's been therapeutic in many ways and part of the process of me letting go... and moving forward.

It's not that I'm having a problem with selling the old house, because I'm really looking forward to a new home. We've been talking about what we want and need, and I'm confident that it will be wonderful, and that we'll have a "place" for all that we've stored away. It's just that this has been so long and drawn out; a painful process, in many ways. We know this is a year of transition for us, and transition isn't always easy or "pretty".

I just feel like now is the time I need to be a little more transparent about what's been going on with me personally, healthwise, without being a big bummer for you all. I have an appointment with a new cardiologist in St. Louis that I'll be seeing next month. I cannot tell you how long overdue this is. My current cardiologist, is not a specialist in the area that right now I'm desperately needing counsel in. Because he isn't a specialist, he doesn't see the importance in guiding me to get the help that I need.

I don't like drama and innuendo; leaving people guessing, so I'll get graphic for a moment to explain what all this is about. Last August I knew something was very wrong, I started feeling horrible and had pain that I hadn't had before. After a heart catheterization, a large blood clot was removed that was blocking my stent and we realized I'd actually had another heart attack, and because of the prolonged situation, I had had an aneurysm that had burst and bled out into the surrounding heart tissue. Also that the tip (apex) of my heart is now dead. non functioning. A left ventricular aneurysm is tricky at best, and most people die from this immediately. I had God's hand on me and and He saved my life once again, but now I have a condition that is controversial. 90% of cardiologists know it's a necessity to have reconstructive surgery, or heart "remodeling" where they take out the dead tissue. Otherwise you're a ticking time bomb for having a rupture of the dead tissue pulling away from the living viable tissue. The mortality rate is high, but some doctors prefer to just leave it alone. Problem is that most people that have this are elderly and are in congestive heart failure. I'm not either of these, and I desperately want to have my life back.

So I'm going to see a specialist at Barnes in St. Louis where they have a team of doctors who all they do is aneurysm repair. I'm not worried and I'm confident that they have answers for me, one way or another. I'm looking for an honest assessment of my situation and hope that surgery can put right most of the problems I've had this last year. (Blood clots and a lot of debilitating pain) It will be worth going through open heart surgery again, to be feeling better, and more on track with life in general.

As for these pics of thread... I have had an old sewing machine cabinet of my paternal grandmother's that I knew was time to sell. I have had it over 40 years, and it's traveled all over the US, but now was when it needed to go. I went through the drawers and found a stash of my grandmother's threads and needles, and pulled them out to keep. I also found this wonderful old Meakin Ironstone bowl that I had buried in one of my garage tubs. I love handling the old wooden spools that my grandmother used, and feel a dear connection in them.

Miss Jenkins always has to be close by,
 and if she can be in the photo, then all the better.

The thought of my grandmother using them, their age,
 and subtle mellowed shades, bring tranquility, peace, and calm. 

I'll share more with you in the next weeks as we finish up the house and get it on the market. I know that God's timing is perfect, and I know He is in control of my life and health. He has the buyer for our home, and is planning our new one, too. There are many factors that will have to come together to see His plan come to fruition, but I'm confident that it will. He's never let me down before, so we take each day, knowing He is leading and guiding us.

God has been requiring me to take a closer look at life...
at my life.
To get it all in focus, and to appreciate the smallest thought and gesture;
and to be grateful for all the people he uses to help and walk with us.

I've learned over the years, that if I follow His lead, He not only takes care of all the details, but blesses many people through the "process". And I'm learning that no experience should be wasted or discounted. Life is indeed a process, and I'm believing that there will be answers and justification coming.

As for blogging, I'll be putting the link parties on hiatus, I hadn't meant to stop so soon, but I know now is the time, This week will be the last "Be Inspired" for a while. Anyone that hosts a party knows that it's a lot of responsibility and takes several hours at least to do it right each week. I'll still be blogging, but it will be when I have something to share that's an inspiration to all of you, and then I'll be letting you know how things are going. There have been days where I'm in bed with a boatload of medications...I just can't keep up any longer, especially with this last push on the house business.  I'll keep you filled in. Please know that I hold all of you closely, and enjoy your posts and find the inspiration a daily infusion of joy. I can sit at my computer and get lost in another place. It's important to do this for as long as I can.

I just felt that it was time to share what's going on. I don't like keeping things hidden, and because all of you are considered as friends, I knew now was the time to share all this. You know how much I need your prayers and good thoughts coming. I'll still be here, I'm not closing things down, just knowing now's the time to make some changes. See you Thursday you all, 

joining in at Savvy Southern Style

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